Some days you just won't care

There are going to be some days that are tougher than others when it comes to trying to change your habits around emotional eating, or even emotional starving. Today is one of them.

Yesterday my friend died. A very good friend, someone I’d known for twelve years or so who was part of my close group – a group always together, whatever the occasion.

Oscar (that’s his nickname, because we likened him to Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street) was 39 years young and was type I diabetic. This was not how he liked to be labelled of course, but his illness was likely the reason he died (though we currently don’t know for sure, there will be a post-mortem).

I seem to have either gone for ages without eating, or have stuffed myself silly. Binge or starve. And do I care at the moment? Do I balls. I’ve eaten until feeling sick today – I just can’t stop pigging out because it’s giving me comfort.

I know it will pass – I won’t continue like this for too long - but I’m acknowledging this. I’m making a choice, and my choice is that sometimes, an extra cream cake helps.

Yesterday I felt sick at the thought of eating anything though. There is likely to be other days like this, such as the funeral. I’m not in a position to be strong about it at the minute. I can see very clearly how food is linked with my emotions in my current state, though I can’t say that I want to do much about it today, maybe I won't tomorrow.

I do want to pay tribute to my dear friend Oscar (his real name is Garry) by writing about him here though. He will be incredibly missed and I just can't see how parties or birthdays will ever be the same again without his superstar presence.

Comments

[Keris]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Andrea.

[Andrea Wren]

Thanks Keris.